Many of my clients come to see me because they feel anxious and depressed. They view the glass not only as half-empty but also as dirty. When something good happens, they hold their breath waiting for the bad that will inevitably follow. And when it does, they’re sure they caused it – and deserved it.
To make matters worse, they then judge themselves as wrong for thinking this way. It’s not wrong, though. It’s called being human. It’s how our brains evolved over millions and millions of years.
Think about it.
Imagine two types of cavemen:
One group is eternally optimistic and carefree.
They wake up refreshed and eager to greet the day. They skip along the path enjoying the warm sunshine, listening to the birds chatter in the trees and marveling at how tall their kids have grown. They lie on the ground at night looking at the stars. They frolic in the river. They enjoy meeting strangers. These are the party people. Don’t worry, they say. Be happy.
The other cavemen worry all the time.
They’re cautious – even paranoid – about almost everything. They’re defensive and on alert. They can’t relax, they trust no one and they expect the worst outcome from every situation. If you think it’s bad now, they believe, just wait: It can only get worse.
Which type of caveman would you want to be?
Careful, it’s a trick question. Before you answer, think about what happened to the two different groups.
The jovial cavemen were so trusting and unconcerned that they got eaten by animals and murdered by enemies. They fell off cliffs, were carried away by raging waters, ate poisonous plants and froze to death in the snow. They became extinct.
The gloomy cavemen, on the other hand, survived. Fear kept them far away from large animals with big teeth and long claws. Distrust of others shielded them from attack. Predicting negative outcomes saved them from the dangerous consequences of exploring dark caves, jumping into fast-running streams and treading on unstable ground.
Frightened cavemen lived and reproduced, passing their fears and anxieties to their children.
This is survival of the fittest in action. People who were afraid lived. People who were relaxed and lighthearted died.
That’s why it’s normal to be fearful and negative.
It’s how the human brain evolved.
However, as with all things, there is a healthy balance to maintain.
Common sense, awareness, care, concern and caution are healthy. Too much of these good things, however, can lead to suspicion, mistrust, inflexibility and obsession.
Panic attacks, paranoia, fear of leaving the home, eating disorders and self-injurious behaviors are other symptoms of significant anxiety.
In the same way, it’s normal to feel sadness, grief and unhappiness when your parent dies, your marriage ends or you lose your job. These symptoms decrease with time.
If they don’t, you may suffer more serious symptoms of depression such as hopelessness, feelings of worthlessness, suicidal thoughts, excessive guilt, extreme fatigue and loss of pleasure in previously enjoyed activities.
Over time, anxious and depressive thought patterns can become entrenched, literally changing the structure of the brain. This makes it more and more difficult for someone to “snap out of it” and shift into a more positive way of being.
Several therapeutic approaches, including cognitive-behavioral therapy and EMDR, are proven effective in combating anxiety, depression and pessimism.
The bottom line is this:
The human brain is designed to focus on the negative, but too much negativity can cause unnecessary suffering and destroy our lives. As your therapist, I can help you discover a healthier balance.
Give me a call at 720.837.3466 or fill out the contact form on this page, and let’s get started.
Don’t wait another day. It’s your turn now. It’s time to heal.
