I’m not very smart. There is very little I know for certain; I know absolutely nothing about almost everything else. But that’s a good thing. Really.
Not knowing gives me freedom. I can play with different ideas without the need to hold on to any of them. I can explore creative options, consider multiple possibilities and experiment with new behaviors.
When I’m in this frame of mind, I don’t have to be right, and others don’t have to be wrong. There is no need to defend my position, prove my point or get upset when others disagree with me.
Even better, I don’t have to know the outcome of any situation. I can learn from whatever comes my way.
Have you heard about the old Chinese farmer?
There’s a parable that illustrates this point well. There are various versions, but the basic story goes like this:
The farmer is so poor that he can’t afford a tractor, so he uses a horse to plow his field. The horse dies, which all the villagers consider a tragedy. The farmer simply replies, “We’ll see.”
The villagers collect money to buy the farmer a new horse, and they now see the farmer as a very lucky man indeed. The farmer again replies, “We’ll see.”
The story continues with various events that appear at first to be absolutely good or definitely bad. Later, though, the events seem to become the opposite.
At each point, the farmer predictably replies, “We’ll see.”
The new horse jumps the fence and runs away. (That’s bad, right?) The new horse returns home. (Good, I guess?) The farmer’s son falls off the horse and breaks his leg. (Definitely bad news … or is it?) The army comes through the village and decides not to recruit the son given his disability. (So what do you think? Good or bad?)
You get the idea.
We simply don’t know what lies ahead, how it may impact us and what lessons we may learn from our experiences.
Knowing and accepting this truth results in a greater ability to withhold judgments against others – and, even more importantly, judgments against ourselves.
It also allows us to react more calmly to whatever arises and to experience greater peace in our lives.
The only thing we know for sure is that we don’t really know. We’ll just have to see.
The bottom line is this:
I’m responsible for my own upset. If I want to be calmer and happier, I have to let go of my need to be right.
I also have to release my extraordinarily inaccurate assumption that I know – or can control – the outcome of anything.
Thankfully, it’s very easy to begin this process. All I have to do is increase the number of times I say “I don’t know” and “We’ll see.”
If you’d like some help doing that as well, give me a call at 720.837.3466 or fill out the contact form on this page, and let’s get started.
Don’t wait another day. It’s your turn now. It’s time to heal.
