Treatment for Childhood Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse can kill your soul.

Sexual abuse is devastating at any age, but adults generally have greater ability than children to cope with the trauma and heal.

When it happens in childhood, sexual abuse can be far more destructive. Left untreated, it often becomes a lifelong prison of depression, anxiety, guilt, shame, eating disorders, sexual problems and self-harm.

Take, for example, Amanda, who was only 6 when her 14-year-old brother first molested her. During the next seven years, the touching rapidly progressed to oral and then anal sex.

Her brother threatened to kill her if she ever told anyone, and she believed him.

He’d attack only when their mother was out of the house, leaving Amanda in his care. He called her a “dirty little girl” for doing what he forced her to do, telling her that no man would ever want her now.

She believed that, too.

But then Amanda proved her brother wrong.

As it turned out, lots of men wanted Amanda.

Like many victims of childhood sexual abuse, she became quite promiscuous by the age of 15. Her brother was out of the house by then, and it felt fantastic to finally be in control of her body. It was her choice now. She decided if, when and where. She also decided what.

Anal sex was out of the question. Oral sex required a certain level of intoxication. Because her brother never initiated vaginal sex, though, this was the one thing Amanda could experience without troubling memories of him.

An early pregnancy put a temporary halt to the promiscuity. She married the baby’s father a couple days after her 18th birthday. She truly believed that, in exchange for sex, he would love and protect her forever.

Yeah. It didn’t work out that way.

Fast-forward 20 years.

Here’s a recap of Amanda’s life after her first marriage:

Four children. Three divorces. Two suicide attempts. Two hospitalizations.

Migraine headaches that incapacitated her for days at a time once, and sometimes twice, a month.

Nightmares two or three times a week that she rarely fully remembered but knew were about her brother. Occasional flashbacks. Frequent disturbing memories.

Seething rage in her stomach and chest: 50 percent of the time. Feeling numb and disconnected: the other 50 percent.

Amanda kept herself as busy as possible, which was great for her career. But, whenever she had a moment to herself, her brain drove her crazy with constant self-criticism and guilt.

Why didn’t I tell anyone? she asked herself again and again. Why didn’t I fight him off? Why didn’t I say “No” just one time? Isn’t there a small part of me that sometimes enjoyed the sex? Maybe my brother was right. Maybe I really am a dirty little girl.

Just thinking about that made her sick to her stomach.

How EMDR worked for Amanda:

When she finally realized she had suffered enough, Amanda became extremely motivated to engage in EMDR therapy.

Because the abuse had occurred over a seven-year period, the treatment targeted multiple events and memories that all contributed to her lifelong sense of shame, unworthiness, helplessness and lack of choice.

As she healed her past, Amanda let go of her anger and rage. Her nightmares ended. She felt truly relaxed for the first time in decades.

With EMDR, the sexual abuse lost its power over her. It no longer defined her. “It’s a memory. It doesn’t affect me any more,” she said in our final session.

“Looking at it now, it’s disturbing because of what happened, but I’m OK with it now. It happened. It wasn’t my fault. It finally sunk in that it wasn’t my fault. Now I believe it to my core – honestly believe that I didn’t do anything wrong, and it’s not my fault.”

Amanda also felt worthy of a healthy, loving, sexual relationship in the future as she recognized the truth of who she really is:

“I’m a regular person who has some cracks and some scars, but I’m not broken. I am loving and caring, and I deserve to be loved and cared for in return.”

Ready to heal your childhood sexual abuse?

If you’d like more information about how EMDR might help you, give me a call at 720.837.3466 for a free 20-minute phone consultation, fill out the contact form below or e-mail me.

Don’t wait another day. It’s your turn now. It’s time to heal.